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The Onion on the Credit Cardholders Bill of Rights

May 5, 2009

Fortunately, the Credit Cardholders Bill of Rights (H.R. 627) offers some more substantial consumer protections than these listed by The Onion.  But their list does make me think of the ads the credit card companies run, where they brag about the control consumers have over their cards – control which usually boils down to the type of picture you can imprint onto the card!  As for control over fees, interest rates, or credit line – oh, that’s not really important, is it?

Here’s the Onion’s spoof of the reforms Congress is considering:

The House Financial Services Committee has approved a “Credit Cardholders’ Bill of Rights” designed to control the detrimental habits of credit card companies. Here are some of the reforms suggested:

Companies must offer more badass card designs, such as a Sherman tank or the Motörhead insignia

Credit cards must feature a picture of your parents looking disapproving on them
When you’ve gone over your limit, someone from the credit card company will come hang out at your place to prevent you from going out

Agents can no longer use the phrase “it’s like free money” when describing their product.

Card issuers not allowed to even imply that the “platinum” designation holds any sort of prestige

Lenders should make it clearer from the outset that they actually want their money repaid

All things will be made less appealing to buy

Zero percent interest on stuff bought while obviously drunk

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